I always feel like somebody's watching me.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

All I Needed

Just when I am at the end of my rope, I am shown the miracles I have in my three daughters. Just when I think I can take not one more fit, not one more mess, I am shown how truly blessed I am.

The last two weeks or so of school are always really busy and stressful. Add on top of that my husband's work schedule changing and having in laws here to help with childcare and Mrs. Eyebrows gets a little bit cranky. Okay, a lot cranky. Words come out of my mouth that my children will probably write on their homework assignments next year. Toys meet their untimely demise when they aren't picked up quickly enough. Windows are shut so neighbors can't hear mommy's nice words. I really think that the electric company and schools are in cahoots to get more money out of people who are parents. You see, we are forced to run our air conditioner much earlier than we should have to since we can't keep the windows open without being the crazy next door neighbors people talk about at block parties. Oh, and for the record, it isn't specifically having in laws here that makes me cranky. It's the change that causes the children to act up that makes me cranky. Please be clear here-I am eternally grateful for the help when we need it.

Busy schedules, all the volunteer stuff I sign up for at the beginning of the year when my attitude is one of positivity and excitement, field trips, sack lunches, and the sun's refusal to go down before 8:30 all amass in one great big stress ball that I throw at people as if in gym class.

After only two days of my children being out of school I was ready to sell them. I mean, like seriously put signs up with pictures of them while they're sleeping (this is when they look the most angelic) "Make an Offer". Then it happened. My 11 year old came home with a report card containing STRAIGHT A's. The foul mouthed kindergardener had a report card with the same equivalent. After months of what I thought to be unheard, unlearned teaching, my four year old writes a perfect capital "R" with sharpie marker on the back of one of our kitchen chairs.

Okay, so she wrote it on the back of a chair in sharpie marker. Not exactly where I would prefer, but that's what magic erasers are for. I am pleased to find she is able to write several other letters quite skillfully on paper too. Then she said, much to my humor, "I'm home schooled, isn't I?" Yes, yes you are. Our next lesson will be grammar. Right after I get this green marker off my oak chair...

The soon to be first grader hauled out some math flash cards and shows me that she can do ADDITION IN HER HEAD. I about fell off the couch. This was the moment when I realized what was happening. God was showing me the miracles He has given me in my children and how truly amazing they are. Just when I think I'm a bad mom for feeling like running away, He gives me the strength to go on. He shows me how important I am and how great they really are because of the work we, as parents, have done. And He also shows me that I can't do it without Him. You see, I had prayed for help during the weeks I was feeling so stressed out. I know our prayers are ALWAYS answered but I forget that at times. It might not be the way we think it will be or the way we want it to be, but they will be answered. All the amazing things about my kids sort of happened all at once. It was weird. But it took away my anger at them, my stress and my feelings of resentment were gone the second I realized what He was showing me. That's what I needed. It was all I needed.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9